So Much To Say: faith

Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Bible Journaling

Hey all!

I wanted to pop in with a post about Bible Journaling. I've seen people do this for the past year or two but always thought that it wasn't really for me...until my dear friend Monica showed me her Journaling Bible and what she was doing with it. Seeing one in person really made it come alive for me. So what I wanted to share today is some of the supplies I use for bible journaling, how I get my inspiration, and my basic journaling process.

What is Bible Journaling?

Basically, it is taking notes, artistically, in the margins of your Bible. Before I had ever heard of this movement, I was already a big verse-underliner, writing-notes-in-the-margins, doodling in her Bible kind of girl. This is just that, on crack. ;) I think of it as scrapbooking in my bible, as I tend to use a lot of stickers, papers, ephemera, etc. But it CAN be as simple as just artistically writing out a verse (or a segment of a verse). In some cases I add my thoughts, a passage from an author on the subject, lyrics to a song, or a prayer to a page as well. I just love how it makes the Bible come alive, in color! I heard someone say that it helps you memorize verses or remember parts of the Bible better because it adds an aesthetic layer to your memory of that passage/verse.

Why do I love it?

I've always had a little bit of an artsy streak. I did a lot more art in high school and considered doing it in college as well, I just got sidetracked by cute boys. ;) (But that's a story for another time.) Since then I've dabbled in scrapbooking, painting, drawing, calligraphy, sewing, etc. I enjoy all of these things but Bible Journaling is where all of these things come together in a really fun and worshipful way for me. I get to spend time in the word and be creating art at the same time. It's really the best.

What supplies do you need?

I've also heard it said that all you really need is a Bible (of any sort) and a pen/pencil. But unless you're really really artistic or you just want to start simply (jotting notes/doodling in the margins), it's really helpful to have a few more things. The things I use most often are my Illustrated Faith supplies (I link a few down below in my Amazon affiliate links-I get a small percentage if you purchase any of these things from my links.). They have an amazing website filled with TONS of inspiration, products, blog posts, etc. They are one of my main sources of inspiration and supplies. :) Other supplies I use are:

-cheap acrylic paints (seriously, the cheapest ones from Walmart, Michaels, etc.)
-my Neocolors (linked below, they're like concentrated watercolor crayons that you can color with then wet for a watercolor look or wet a brush, rub the crayon on the brush, and paint that way)
-a few felt tipped black pens (I use Microns most often, followed by think Sharpie no-bleeds. Illustrated Faith also has a great black pen.)
-Tombow brush pens and Distress markers (linked below-for lettering or coloring things in)
-Various scrapbooking stickers and ephemera (I love Project Life cards, Bella Blvd. letter stickers, and whatever I find at craft stores that's cute! TIP: I almost never buy a sticker set more than 1.99 if I don't have a coupon from one of these stores, which you can get online, in the mail, or on their phone apps.
-Stamps (I have some linked below, but I most prefer the acrylic stamps that you mount on a mounting block. They store so easily and are so easy to use/position!)
-Washi tape (which I find from IF (Illustrated Faith), Michaels, JoAnns, Hobby Lobby, the Dollar Store, Ikea, etc.)

Where do I get my inspiration from?

Sometimes my inspiration comes from an art idea/technique that I want to try and then I find a passage to go with it. Other times (most of the time) my inspiration comes from a passage or verse I really like. I usually read the verse a few times over and try to really understand what it means. Sometimes that means reading it in context, sometimes that means looking it up in other versions, sometimes it means I go look for a commentary on it. There are also times when I just flip through my Bible, searching for something that jumps out at me and I just start doodling/painting/cutting/glueing/sticking whatever looks good to me. :)

A few ways I've found ideas or techniques to try is by searching "bible journaling" on Pinterest, looking on the Illustrated Faith website, or looking at hashtags such as #illustratedfaith #biblejournaling or #creativefaith .

I sincerely hope that if you're even remotely interested, that you'll give it a try! Our church is starting up a monthly Bible Journaling get together so if you're local and want to come see us do our crazy thing, give me a shout! And please feel free to ask me any questions that come to mind. I definitely don't know everything there is to know about bible journaling, but I'm pretty good at looking stuff up on Google. ;)

Friday, May 9, 2014

One Year: Part One

One year and two days ago, I sat cuddled up with Chad on the couch and felt my baby kicking in my tummy at the kitty that was curled up next to my belly, purring. I marveled at the feeling and wondered whether our ultrasound the next day would tell us if we were having a boy or a girl. Chad was really hoping for a boy, and I was pretty good either way.

Ultrasound at 8 weeks.

One year and one day ago, we waited eagerly while the ultrasound tech scanned my belly in search of a heartbeat...and then couldn't find one. Tears streamed down my face as I stubbornly said "Nothing is wrong. It couldn't be wrong. This couldn't happen to me." But then the doctor confirmed, my little unborn baby's heart was no longer beating. Somewhere between the night before when I felt him kicking, and the ultrasound appointment, he went to heaven to meet Jesus...and left us here, his family, behind. They informed us that since I was farther along (17 weeks) that I would have to deliver him in the hospital. I would have to go through labor, and bring my unborn baby's body into the world, when his soul had already gone. It was devastating to hear. We went home, crying nonstop, and tried to process what had just happened. It seemed so surreal. We ended up deciding to go ahead and go in for the induction that night and at about 9pm, we were checked into the hospital to begin the process.

The last pregnant photo I have.

One year ago today, after 9 hours of the most emotional and heartbreaking labor, his body was brought into this world. My OB was the kindest man through all of this. He prayed with me when he first came to see me that morning, prayed with me again before we left the hospital, and was just overall very attentive to my emotional state. So when he recommended to me that I not see Oliver, because of the condition he was in, I seriously considered it...for a moment. But I knew I just couldn't fully grieve and process his death if I didn't, I would always wonder. So a few hours later, they brought him to me...and it was love at first sight. I already loved him, obviously, but when I saw him, I could see past the way he looked (which was perfectly normal for a baby of 17 weeks, you just don't see them outside the womb at that age, so it was much different than what a full-term baby looks like) and I just saw my son...the son that God knit perfectly in my womb. He had the Pruitt nose, 10 perfectly formed fingers and 10 perfectly formed toes, and the most adorable little lips. He had eyelids, skin, little tiny ears...I don't think I even cried in those few hours that I held him, I just smiled. I loved him so much.

Holding my sweet boy for the last time.

We chose the name Oliver Byron for him because Oliver means "a peace offering or an olive branch" and in giving him that name, I was saying to God "this is my peace offering to you...I know that you are always good and I'm not mad at you." Byron was Chad's dad's middle name and since he passed away in 2008 and never got to meet Jonah, we figured it would be fitting to give the grandchild he would meet before we would, his name.

I had the most amazing nurse during our stay. Her name was Mary. She was a veteran nurse who had a ton of experience with early deliveries and grieving parents. She was so sensitive to our needs and was very patient with us as we grieved. I so appreciated that she made sure we knew that whenever we wanted to have Oliver in with us, we could. But whenever we wanted them to take him, they would. She assured us hat they would take very good care of him and he would be in the hospital as long as we were there and then we could make arrangements after that. So I held him for a long time, just clinging and marveling and memorizing his face...and then offered him to anyone else who wanted to hold him.

They took him back for a little while so that we could eat lunch, and then I asked Mary to bring him back. I'll never forget the moment she walked into my room with him. She had already warned us that the longer he was out of the womb, the more he would start to change and look different. When I saw him that second time, he looked...rough. I started crying immediately, because I knew that should be the last time we saw him while we were there. I knew I wanted to preserve the beautiful image I had in my mind of him and that meant that I needed to not see him anymore while we were there. All of my family kindly left the room and we just cuddled our boy, crying and praying over him, and dreading the minutes that were quickly passing by, leading us to our goodbye.

I'll never forget curling up in a fetal position on that bed and just sobbing. I'll never forget my mom curling up beside me and and smoothing my hair. I'll never forget my sister just holding me and saying "I am so sorry Lou, I'm so sorry." I'll never forget the tears of the love of my life, whom I'd only ever seen cry twice, trickling down his face. I'll never forget the friends who came by to see me while I was there, bringing me Skittles and books and drinks and love and hugs.

Chad, Jonah, and I.

I don't remember a whole lot about the rest of that night, except for the amazingly kind night nurse who sounded just like a sweet lady from church, bringing me anything I needed from warm blankets to a movie to help us fall asleep. Chad and I curled up in my little bed together and just held each other, falling asleep to the movie Michael, about a man who was an angel.

The next morning, we looked out the window at the breathtaking view we had of Pikes Peak and the sun streaming down on its peak, and wondered how a day so beautiful could be so bleak. Leaving the hospital that morning was possibly the hardest part of the whole experience. Knowing that my baby and all the memories I had surrounding him were staying the walls of that hospital while we drove away, just wrecked my broken spirit even further. I clung to my box filled with mementos of my little boy...his hospital bracelet, the little blanket he was wrapped in and the little teddy bear he held, his foot and handprints, a book about grief, a little journal/baby book that was specific to losing a child but still being able to honor their brief life in the womb, a small bible, and other precious things...and held tightly to Chad's arm as we walked out of our room, through the halls, and outside the hospital doors. With tears streaming down our faces (which was pretty much constant since the moment we heard those words in the ultrasound, so I'm not sure that it even needs noted), we got in our car, pulled out of the parking lot, and headed home...feeling emptier than I knew it was possible to feel.

[Writing the details of those days out is almost more for me than it is to share my story. It's therapeutic to go back and process through those emotions and reminisce upon those last days with my second-born son. But I do also hope that opening up and sharing these intimate details is able to help someone. Maybe you're struggling with your own loss or know someone who is and my story can help you sympathize with them in a more understanding way. But most of all, I hope in my transparency that you see God and his constant goodness to me, even in the hardest time of my life.]

Monday, July 1, 2013

Learning

If there's one thing I've learned from losing Oliver, it's how to pray/grieve for someone going through a similar situation. Even if I don't know you, or you don't know me, my heart is breaking for you right now. I so closely feel your pain. We're in community and you might not even know it, but I hope that I can someday show you that you are not alone.

I'm so thankful for those who reached out to me in the weeks that followed and shared their stories of loss with me, just to say just that...you're not alone. Your tragedy is not new, but it is yours, and we grieve with you.

I believe that you have to search for these beautiful tidbits among the ashes, because otherwise, all you'll see is the ashes. All you'll see when you look back on your tragedy, is the ashes of your broken life, your future altered and uncertain. But if you press into God, through your pain, and really feel it (despite how much it hurts) you'll come up with a few precious nuggets that you can cling to in the days to come.

This whole thought process started as a response to hearing that yet another lady that I know lost her 17 week old little girl, and every time I hear of such a loss, especially one so spot on with how/when I lost Oliver, it cuts a fresh scar on my heart. I'm sorry doesn't seem good enough, but it's really all there is to say sometimes.

I hear you.
I see you.
I am so sorry.

Maybe some time soon I'll be able to write out the full story of what happened with me and my born-to-heaven Oliver Byron, but not today. Today, I'll cry a little, I'll embrace every moment of my grief, because as a dear friend reminded me, God promises that "He will turn my mourning into dancing, my wailing into joy." (Psalm 30:11) Oh it hurts, but it's good, because "all things God works for the good of those who love him." (Romans 8:28)

Some of the beautiful flowers we received when we got home from the hospital.

My beautiful Mother's Day flowers from my family.

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