I have been so excited about this day for WEEKS. Jonah and I picked out his big boy underwear (Cars and Toy Story) and we borrowed a few of the extra-padded Gerber ones from our buddy Maverick, for the first few days. We got extra potty seats (the kind you set in the big toilet), an extra stool, some plastic covers for going out and about, and Nana picked up some jelly beans (Jonah's favorite treat) for rewards. I showed him his underwear, talked it up for days, and last night, I told him that tomorrow we weren't wearing diapers anymore and that he finally would get to wear his big boy underwear!
I woke up this morning, with a game plan. Double-layered underwear (an extra-padded underneath and a cartoon character one on top so he would be motivated not to potty on them). Set the timer for every 15 minutes and at least go sit on the potty and try. Up the fluids so he could have a reason to potty. One jelly bean for pee and two jelly beans for poop, in the toilet of course. Ready, set, go!
I put him in his underwear as soon as he woke up and we started our timer, and our day. He went pee on the toilet, every time I put him on there for about two hours. I was feeling REALLY good.
And then, the first accident happened. It was kind of my fault, because I thought since he was doing so well, that I would let him try playing alone in his room for a little bit. Less than five minutes after I closed his door, I heard him yell potty and sure enough, he had peed in his underwear. From there on, we had three accidents in a row. Two of them being on the couch. AHHHH!
From then until nap time, he only had one or two accidents, but the seed of doubt and fear had been planted in my heart. You see, I struggle with really bad anxiety. It's a long story, that I'd love to share in full on here someday (or am almost always willing to talk about it in person). I'm on medication for it, but I guess the overwhelming nature of today (taking him to the potty every 5-15 minutes, bending over a lot and squatting a lot which was causing a lot of bad back pain, getting frustrated with Jonah when he kept having accidents or when he didn't feel like going potty again) just sparked that anxious, panicky, emotional feeling in me again and it scared me big time. It IS scaring me big time.
I think this is one of the first times since this anxiety came back (not long after I got pregnant) that I've felt this overwhelmed again. All I want to do is cry. Cry because I miss our carefree days of just playing, cleaning, running errands, going to friends houses, etc. etc. AND IT'S ONLY BEEN HALF A DAY OF DOING THIS! The logical side of me knows that it's gonna be okay. It's only his first day of doing this, for Pete's sake, and he needs extra grace and love. This is an even bigger change for him than it is for me! It sure can't be easy or particularly fun. And it's not going to last forever. My Momma always tells me that when I'm in the middle of a trying phase, whether it be sleep-training or teething or sickness or whatever. This too shall pass.
I think that's one of the most frustrating things about this "anxiety" that I suffer from. I feel like when it hits, it hits HARD. There is no middle-ground where it just picks at me a little and it's more annoying than it is overwhelming. When I feel anxious, I immediately want to give up. Drop it all, go back to how it was before, and never ever change anything again. But you know what? That's not life. That's not how it works. I need to strengthen my "anxiety muscles." I need to build up my mind, soul, spirit and heart muscles so that when IT hits, I can say to myself "This is tough. No lie. But I can and I will get through this. It will get better. I will survive...and not only survive, but be happy! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me...whether it be depression or potty-training, budget-issues or road rage, attitude problems from toddlers or fights with my husband, not having the energy to clean the house or not having the motivation." He is with me in the little and the big, and I've got to get better at remembering that when I feel good and when I don't.
I'm so thankful He doesn't give up when the going gets tough, because chicken-little, mere-human me, wants to. I'm so thankful that He isn't human so that He can hold me up when my strength is lacking. Even when it's over something silly like Day 1 of potty training.
So pray for us as we continue on this potty-training journey. Jonah really is doing a pretty good job. Right now, he can pee/poop on the toilet when the timer goes off and reminds him too, but he can't remember to do it on his own. We'll get there...right?? :)
And just to end this on a happy note, here's a few recent photos of my Bug and I few things I love SO much about him.
I love how he (very) occasionally just asks to hold my hand.
I love how when you ask him to make fish lips (stick his lips out) he puts them in instead.
I love how when you tell him the name of something, or someone, he almost instantly remembers it.
I love how he gives squeeze hugs.
I love how he can sing three (almsot four) lines of Jesus Loves Me by himself now.
I love that he has so many people who love him (and us) so so much.
Love yours truly (and painfully honestly),
Alyssa